This post is long overdue. With tear filled eyes I pour out my heart to you. You see; I ran away. I decided to show what I believed the world should see and hide the rest, the tainted, imperfect me was locked away, hidden away, to not be misconstrued. I painted a picture of all of me but only unveiled what you should see, who I am in your eyes, not who I am unconditionally.
I let fear control me and pain lead me, I pursued passion not love, the temporal in place of the wise. How mistaken I was, to believe that the things of this world could replace a God shaped void. But I tried, oh I tried. I crammed, pushed, shoved, forced every seemingly pleasurable thing of this world into this hole in my heart, in hopes that one thing, anything, could stop the pain, pause the pain, release me from the chains.
But the scaffolding in my life had to come down as the work in me was done. He replaced the fleeting with the steadfast, the lust with love, the pain with peace that surpasses all understanding and with all understanding, I realised… that my hopes, dreams, aspirations, wishes; my heart… should be placed in His chamber of righteousness, in His wise house, in the presence of Him who is and always will be, the lover of my soul.
Beauties, no ones is perfect, yet still we aspire to be, we hope for things to come and dream of what should, could and would’ve been. In the passing time contentment is discarded in the rushing winds of never settling for less.
You don’t have to settle for less, but in what you have right here, right now… appreciate.
Love to love and love without regret, find good and let your heart be free. Forgive the repetition of a broken record, but you do indeed only get one life in this world to live. A life not to be wasted away wallowing in the depths of your own misery but allowing the tests of life to become your testimony so that you may truly overcome and free others.
Let it be known that indeed you overcame by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of your testimony.
So here I am. A testimony. That by His grace I’m still here, hanging on by a thread but hanging on nonetheless. That one day my thread of faith shall blossom into a unshakable mountain of trust in God who never fails.
My journey continues, I’ve shaken away the dust from my fall and laced on my Doc Martens of hope. Where am I headed? Wherever He takes me. I’ve found His love… better yet, His love found me and I’ve decided to never go back. The path to my former life has been destroyed so I run along the road that was paved for me before my life on earth began.
I’ll never give up and neither should you.